Ignorance was Bliss
by kitty-kat-394
Summary: Zaku knows now that Orochimaru has no use for him, he begins to think about his life and realized how he had been used. Regreting his past, he decides to give in to what he can't control and looks towards the fact that his friends may also be doomed.


***I don't anyone here, I really don't own anyone anywhere...blah blah blah. This would be a one-shot thing about Zaku Abumi's final moments on earth and his last thoughts (he has quite a few) I totally love this guy and think he deserves a little publicity so here is my second Fanfic.***

Looking back, my life had been a serious of missions and actions of pleasure. Not for myself...but for Orochimaru. Everything I did was for him, to see him smile and say, "Good job Zaku." And now that was over. I lay on a bed in the medic wing, pumped full of meds and enhanced by multiple healing jutsus; they weren't going to help. I'd never be a ninja again, my life no longer had meaning. And Orochimaru now knew that.

How blind had I been? I hadn't seen any of this coming. I had to steal food, I was desperate...I wanted to be wanted. So I let the surgery happen, and I lost myself in a becoming the tool of a horrid man. So where did that leave me? There was no longer any use in my life, there was no reason for him to want me to continue. Looking into his eyes, I knew he thought I would be more use dead then alive.

I had one trick up my sleeve; he still thought I was ignorant. I could die with a bit of dignity, though no one but me would know it. I would die knowing he thought I don't know he was going to (and always has) use(d) me. I'd die with a sort of peace; I figured out the truth. There never was anything special about me...I was simply Zaku Abumi the orphan.

"Zaku," he said to me, minutes before the end came, "you know that you can no longer be the great ninja you once were."

_Ha, great! That's what he wants me to think...he never thought that..._

"But there is something I can do, that will give you one final stand. You can show that Shino and Sasuke what you're really made of-"

And that was it. I knew then and there what he intended to tell me.

"I can destroy the leaf village if I have your consent and full control of your body."

What he said after that didn't matter...I didn't hear it. All I could think of was Dosu and Kin. She had never been number one on Orochimaru's top ten list, so I figured she would meet the same end as me. He liked Dosu, and he hadn't lost...Dosu could go far...I hoped. I knew I had never shown much feeling towards them, and in my final moments, that was something I regreted.

And I had never had much of a religion...that changed. I prayed and prayed and prayed that whatever my prior master did to me would be quick and painless. I prayed for my sins, so many of them, numerous, everyday I commited a new one. I had no family to care for so I wished the best of Dosu and Kin, especially Dosu. If I ever had a best friend, he was it. Orochimaru walked away to go watch something where I wasn't...I cried. I cried so hard I ran out of air and vomited over the bed....

I had finally broken....

Zaku Abumi was gone.

I was no longer arrogant, there was no one to be loyal to, no one to please...there was nothing ahead of me but darkness. I wanted to escape, I wanted to run away and hide and never come back, but that would never work. Orochimaru was back before I could finish crying and his decision was then set in stone. Seeing me as a weak, scared baby finished whatever thoughts had been going through his mind and completed the process of weighing choices. "Zaku, we have a new medication that should help you out..."

But I stopped listening again. I looked down at my destroyed arms, tattered sleeves, and shut my eyes. _I'm at peace...please forgive me..._

A single tear rolled down my face, I opened my eyes one last time, looked up and saw Dosu and Kin at the door. I raised my hand in fairwell, hoping they saw how much I really did care about them. Kin gave a nod but it was Dosu how understood. I don't know if he knew how to cry, I don't know what he thought, what he felt, but there was something in his single visable eye that I had never seen before. My soon coming death was changing us quickly. Kin turned and walked away, shoulders slumped in a move of defeat, I think she figured out that her fate was the same as mine. I didn't look away from them, I wanted my two companions to be the last thing I ever saw.

I felt whatever the medication was flowing through my veins, I felt myself want to leave, but I ignored it. "Dosu..." I croaked. I reached out to him, wanteing to feel something besides hate as I died. He came over to me and grasped my hand. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. "Thank you..."

My final words.

Kin stood at his shoulder still defeated. "Good bye Zaku...we had some great times..."

It was a lie, we both knew it. We all knew it. Our lives were nothing but misery and control. She grasped my other destroyed hand and smiled. Holding onto both of them, I surrendered to the unbeatable. My eyes rolled back into my head, my breathing began to slow. "Thank you both...Dosu and Kin."

And I let go.

It didn't hurt, I'm not sure I felt anything...I just began to disappear. And soon enough it was over.

-

Both Dosu and Kin left Zaku's side shortly after....no use holding onto a dead man....

"Goodbye," Dosu whispered.


End file.
